Women and the Stress of Money

Patti Smith is an Intuitive Life/Business Success Coach and the Owner of Your Dream Genie. She has been called a "Practical Mystic" who integrates intuition, energy and spiritual practices with the systems, tools and techniques she teaches her clients. Patti loves working with inspired, inquisitive, heart-and-soul led business women so they can rise, shine and soar. She teaches her clients about the Energy of Money and helps them design and run 'conscious' businesses that create wealth and impact today and leave a legacy for tomorrow!

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Deb  Timmerman  0:01  

You are listening to Less Stress In Life. With hosts, Deb Timmerman and Barb Fletcher, we believe life with less stress and more energy is possible with the right tools, strategies and knowledge. So we bring your real conversations around the stress of relationships, money, and the daily hassles of life with guests that will inspire, challenge, entertain, and motivate you to take action.

Barb Fletcher  0:28  

So today, we have Patti Smith with us. She is an intuitive life business owner and the owner of Your Dream Genie. She's been called a practical mystic who integrates intuition, energy and spiritual practices with the systems and tools and techniques, she teaches her clients. Patti loves working with inspired inquisitive heart and soul led business- woman so they can rise, shine and soar. She teaches her clients about the energy of money and helps them design and run conscious businesses that create wealth and impact today and leave a legacy for tomorrow. Welcome, Patti.

Patti Smith  1:10  

Thank you so much, Barb. It's such a pleasure to be here.

Barb Fletcher  1:13  

So, what have we missed?

Patti Smith  1:17  

Well, there's a very, very long history behind what you just read. Suffice it to say, I started coaching over 50 years ago. And with a corporate background in human resources, I know that the number one thing that people have on their minds, even if they're not talking about it, is their money. So that's why we're here today. For sure,

Barb Fletcher  1:41  

Deb and I hear about money , many, many, many times. And it is it is one of a number of significant challenges that women face for sure. So why do women struggle so much with money or with about money or with money?

Patti Smith  2:02  

Well, there's a good news and a bad news answer to that. The good news, is it's not their fault. It's not our fault. The bad news is, we were programmed to behave this way when it comes to money. And when I say programmed, I'm speaking of conditioning that we get from the earliest days that we are on the planet. And it often comes unconsciously from our parents, because they are talking about their money issues. We are a little baby lying in a crib or something they don't think we can hear or understand. But we pick it up. And we are told stories, specifically fairy tales that prime us to be helpless, disempowered, fearful of having money. And so we grow up consciously saying, Oh, yes, I want to have money. I'd like to have lots of money so that I can take care of myself and my family. But subconsciously, there's this old programming running that says, Oh, no, it's dangerous for you to have money. People will steal whatever you have, they will, even try to kill you. So let me give you an example, from one of Grimm’s fairy tales that we all grew up hearing and seeing. And that's Sleeping Beauty. Here's this beautiful child who is born in the kingdom, her actual name was a Aurora, which is the same as dawn. So everybody loved her, except for this one older woman Maleficent, who cursed her to die on her 16th birthday. And the good fairies flew in and said, No, no, we can't have this happen. Aurora is just too wonderful, she can't die. We're going to change the curse so that she will sleep for 100 years. And so the king to protect his daughter ordered that every spinning wheel in the kingdom be found and destroyed. Because that was going to be the means of his daughter's death or 100 years sleep. She was going to prick her finger on the spindle. Now what is that a metaphor for 16 year old girl leads for the first time. This is loss of rigidity. So despite his best efforts, she turns 16. She's rummaging through the castle and finds that one spinning wheel that is left and sees the sun glinting on the spindle reaches out her finger to touch it and of course pricks it and immediately falls into a 100 year sleep. So think about what that means. That means that everyone that she knew and loved and who knew and loved her is dead. We're told in the fairy tale that she slumbers for 100 years a big thick forest grows up around the castle. Until one day along comes a random guy, and he sees the top of the castle over the forest. And thinks, huh, I would check that out. So he hacks his way through with his sword breaks into the castle. (This is a home invasion), and searches through the castle until he finds her in the very top room, lying there beautiful 16 years old asleep. And the fairy tale tells us that she was awakened with true love's kiss. Well, she's been asleep for 100 years. (This is a random stranger who just broke into her home. This is not true love's kiss, this is a sexual assault.) And she wakens. And we're told that they live happily ever after. Now, what does this really tell our daughters and nieces and granddaughters. It tells them that if you're beautiful and talented, somebody out there, typically another woman is going to try and take you out. You cannot trust the people around you to have your best interests at heart. They will try to steal your inheritance as they did with Snow White, and Cinderella. And some random guy is kind of gone riding by on a horse,  (Think of Rapunzel with her hair hanging down out of the tower) to save you. So we are taught to be disempowered to rely on men, especially men, we don't know, to come in and take over our lives and run everything for us. And the thing that I mentioned when I spoke to Deb, and that I have shared many, many times is no matter what your faith tradition, we have had so much Christian iconography, in our music, in our art, in our sculpture in our literature everywhere, that when you think of the temptation of Eve, you immediately see a snake coiled around a tree. And what does that look like? If you draw that on a piece of paper? It looks like the dollar sign. So in the West, is it any wonder that when women see this symbol of the downfall, where suddenly because of Eve's temptation, we are responsible now for every pain and hurt that humanity has suffered? Because we've got the apple, we committed the original sin, and we've been paying for it ever since. So can you see how these very subtle, and really actually insidious beliefs are installed in us over and over and over again telling us, we can't have money, it's not safe. Not a great way to raise our, our children and women.

Deb Timmerman  7:52  

And then we go to the workplace. And we deal with today's challenges of classes, and pay inequity. And it continues, it kind of reminds me a little bit about the progression of historical trauma, and how that then shows up in our lives and in our bodies.

Patti Smith  8:12  

Absolutely, absolutely. Because even in 2021 if you look particularly in the retail sector, which has traditionally had a very large disparity both in terms of progression into management, and salary, women are typically still only earning 68 cents on the dollar that is paid to the man, they are very rarely in the senior executive positions. Why is that? You know, we have to understand that there is no difference in a job being done by a man or a woman. If the job is done the way it is supposed to be done. It should be paid at whatever scale has been established for that job, period. Gender cannot be allowed to enter into it anymore.

Deb Timmerman  9:02  

So when you talk about creating a conscious business being different how, how do we create a conscious business and how is it different from what you just described?

Patti Smith  9:16  

Thank you for asking that question, Deb. Conscious business is actually a movement that began a number of years ago now. And the whole focus is on what they call the triple P bottom line. Typically in business, especially if you are a public company and you have shareholders and a board of directors, you are responsible to them to create profit. That's what they're in it for. Bottom line is how much are we making. In a conscious business. The three P's are people first. This is the people that you work with and for and beyond your actual work their families, the community that you are in. Are you being a good person responsible corporate entity? Are you taking the environment into account? Which brings me to the second P planet? What are you doing in your business? In terms of manufacturing, or the way that you ship your goods or whatever the case may be? How is that impacting not only your office environment, but again, the community and the larger global community that we are all a part of. So when we focus on people and planet first, profit becomes a natural byproduct, instead of being the number one driving force in the old paradigm.

Barb Fletcher  10:38  

So we've heard a lot about how we got to where we are. And if you know anything about Deb and I, we are really people who want to solve problems and help people. So can you tell us a little bit, maybe just a couple of tools that women might use to improve their relationship with money? And How does that interface with being a conscious business?

Patti Smith  11:06  

Okay, great. One of the first things that I usually have people do is a little exercise where they close their eyes. So when people are listening to this, if you're driving, please don't do this right now. Do it when you are safe. But take a moment when you are safely able to do so close your eyes, and take yourself back to the family dinner table when you were about age six. And think about the conversations that you were hearing or overhearing about money, and the emotions that you were tapping into when you were hearing these things about money. For instance, you might have heard, we can't afford that. Do you think money grows on trees, or perhaps you heard rich people are mean, and they can't be trusted, they're greedy. Or perhaps there's a religious connotation that you're hearing that money is the root of all evil, which is actually an incorrect quote, it is the love of money, that is the root of all evil. But just tap into what were you feeling, and hearing, because up to about age six or seven, we take in everything, as 100% true, and we have no filter, we don't question it. So whatever you were hearing then became your truth. And you can now look at those statements and decide that you want to have a different money truth in your life. And you can do several things with this, you can simply meditate on how you want money to be in your life. And I recommend that you think of money as a person. This is, you know, money is energy, energy flows. And we have been taught to be fearful when it comes to money, that it's always about scarcity, that you have to hoard money and keep building up more and more and more. But think about it in the human circulatory system, if you have a blood clot, that can be fatal. Everything has to flow, your blood has to flow, the energy of money has to flow, you have to become comfortable with it flowing into you, and flowing out. So you can do that assessment of what's the old programming that you were taught to have. You can choose to write a new money story. So one of the tools that I have my clients do is writing a money letter, dear money, and I want you to tell money, everything you think and feel and believe about it. Nobody's going to see this but you so be honest, you can say money, I hate you. You're never there when I need you, or money. I love you because you're always there to support me and help me in growing and experiencing new things in life. Whatever your truth is, right, your dear money letter. And then I want you to think about what does money want from you? Who do you need to start being to be in a better relationship with your money. So think about money as your co creator, your best friend who's always there to help you create whatever it is that your heart desires. And you'll notice that as you do this, I have taught a program called creating sacred wealth, which is eight weeks long. And over the course of the eight weeks, I have my participants write a dear money letter every week. And the key is to see how that relationship is changing. And one of my clients by the fifth week said, Oh my God, I've just realized I don't have a relationship with my money. I have a relationship with my debt. So I want to divorce my debt and get into a loving relationship with my money. So that's how powerful writing a dear money letter can be.

Deb Timmerman  15:02  

That was a wonderful visual. And I was thinking as you were talking about the relationship you have with money, it's also the relationship you have with stress. So what you're feeling about money is information. And we know that there's a lack of flow, what you just described, that same thing happens with stress. And it's a downwind kind of thing. So they are so intertwined, what is the biggest stressor you see around money and women

Patti Smith  15:32  

is fear, fear, absolutely fear of not having enough fear of not knowing what to do with it, fear of it being taken away. And it just, it all comes down to these fears, some of them may come from actual experience in their own lives, some of them may actually be feelings of fear that are generational DNA, we now know that we carry memories back seven generations, well, that includes two world wars and a depression. And in those times, lack was real. Absolutely. However, that is not the case for most people now, but we carry this fear that we won't have enough. And so we have to hang on to every penny that we have. Or we go the exact opposite, and spend everything we have without a care and don't care when the bills come in, and we get ourselves into trouble that way. But it's rooted in fear. So fear, needs to be transmuted. And here's the thing, love conquers everything, including fear. So when people are starting to get into this state of fear about money, they're thinking too much they're in their heads. And what I like to have them do is sit quietly with one hand, on their heart, and one hand on their belly, which is between root chakra and sacral. chakra, this is your creative source, and breathe. Just allow yourself to get into your body and out of your head. Connect your creativity with your heart. And you will start to realize that you don't need to be afraid that you do know how to do things that will generate money for you. And you're smart enough to go ask someone to help you if you don't understand what to do. So you have the tools that you need, there is no need for the fear to be there. Love yourself, love the energy of money, which allows you to express yourself in all these different ways. And love will always triumph over fear

Deb  Timmerman  17:40  

For a woman who is at the bottom rung feeling like overburdened with that maybe doesn't even have enough credit to get a rental or a home. And these are real things I see in my practice every day, what is the first step they should take? If they had to do one thing? What would you recommend?

Patti Smith  18:01  

Well apart, excuse me, apart from dealing with their emotional state and the stress that can be related to that, that's first because you need to be able to think clearly when you're looking at things. But on a practical side, I find that so many people don't really know how much money they have coming in. So I recommend using a money calendar. If you are being paid a salary every two weeks, then mark on the calendar, what your net pay is not your gross your net pay. And I have also found quite intelligent women who don't know the difference between gross and head pay. So if you don't understand these things, now that we have Google, God bless Google, you can look up, what is the difference between gross and net pay? That is what you take home, the amount on your check, look at any other money that comes into you. Do you get a child benefit payment? Do you get a disability payment Do you get if you're divorced, are you getting a child support payment, or you're getting credits from the government, every single one of these things contributes to the amount of money that you have to work with. So once you've put all of that onto the calendar when it comes in, and you add in anything else that comes to you. Let's say you won 10 bucks on the lottery. But that on the calendar, found a quarter in the parking lot. I picked it up. That's money that goes on your money calendar, what we pay attention to grows and what we track and measure grows. So we need to develop this muscle of tracking how much money is coming into us. And then the balancing side of that equation is to create another calendar where you indicate every expense that you need to pay the date on which it's been And I like to call these invoices for blessings already received. So when you get your gas bill in instead of grumbling, that you have to pay it. Think about the people, men and women who worked to make that gas available to you either in the processing of it, or the delivery of it to your home, they have families, they need to support them. So when you pay your bill, you're actually paying it forward to all of those people who helped you to receive that gas in your home. And when you sit down to write a check, or process a payment online, with gratitude in your heart, saying, I'm so happy that because I have this, because I have hydro, I have light in my home. And I want to make sure that the people who made this possible for me, also have it for themselves. When you make a payment with gratitude, instead of grudging, it becomes so much lighter, it's not a burden anymore, it's a gift that you aren't giving back. So your attitude always is the driver of how things flow, the more that you recognize you're in flow in and out. And that that's normal. It's nothing to be afraid of you having more does not mean someone else has less, because there's an infinite amount. And here's the one thing that I will share with you, the old statistic used to be that over the course of your lifetime, with an average five figure salary, mid five figures, you would earn approximately a million dollars over the course of your lifetime. Most people think that's crazy. But here's the thing, every dollar you have ever had or ever will have already exists. You don't have to go out and create it. You just have to create the environment for it to flow to you. And then you flow it back out again, whether you're paying a bill, making a charitable donation, supporting a local sports team, it doesn't matter. You are the channel through which money flow. And once you get into that feeling, and you know what's coming in and you know what's going out. You have that sense of control. And remember with fairy tales, they never had control. But when you make yourself aware of everything that's happening, you are now what I like to call CEO, of You, Inc. you're the boss, even if you report to somebody else. I love that.

Deb Timmerman  22:31  

So we've went from grim to gratitude in the course of 25 minutes by just changing our mindset and our approach to the way we look at the inflow and outflow of our resources and our money, thank you so incredibly much for being our guest today.

Patti Smith  22:51  

My pleasure.

Deb  Timmerman  22:52  

If folks want to connect with you, could you tell us how they do that? 

Patti Smith  22:57  

The easiest way is to email me at Patti@YourDreamGenie.ca or you can find me on Facebook, your dream Genie or if somebody actually wants to pick up the phone and talk to me, which I would love to do. They can reach me at 705-881-1846 I would love to have my phone ring. It's so long since anybody actually called me. 

Deb Timmerman  23:29  

Alright, somebody pick up the phone and make Patti's day! Until next time. Less stress in life is possible. If you're new to this kind of thinking and would like to explore what's possible for you, we'd love to connect. You can reach us through our website at less stress in life.com That's less stress in life.com